The Ring Ceremony

One Sunday Sami came to my room and asked if I was busy. "No, what can I do for you?" He asked me to come with him to his cousins' house. I always go where Sami leads. Had I known what was in store, I would have cleaned up and changed into something more suitable for the occasion! As it turns out, I was invited to participate in Sami's cousin's ring ceremony. Zefir was getting engaged!!

Many of the family were there when I arrived, dressed beautifully, and everyone was very excited, and anxious. Someone was coming. They would be here soon. Who??? Gradually I was told what was going on. Zefir was about to meet the family of his beloved for the first time today. It was a really big deal. Zefir was very nervous. At first it was like a surprise birthday party. As soon as the lookout said "They're coming!", all the women and nearly everyone else disappeared upstairs. I was not sent upstairs, so I went outside to watch the arrival, and take a photo.














Two men arrived bearing covered trays, which were given to another cousin.


















Then they (and I) were ushered into a room with beautiful carpets and cushions. As it dawned on me what was going on, I went to get my video camera as well as my digital camera, to document this special day in Zefir's life.

Greeting hugs,

































































distribution of sweets and nuts,



































cake and tea,













special wazwan meal - just like at a wedding











some very stilted conversation, and the uncle of Zefir's fiancee (her father is dead) placed a golden chain around Zefir's wrist.


















Kashmiris are normally very talkative people. But we sat there for 3 hours and much of that time was perfectly silent. And I don't think I heard a peep out of Zefir the whole time!! When Sami said it was time to leave, I expressed my gratitude at being present at this very momentous occasion, and departed.

The two men were the fiancee's uncle and her brother. Zefir had not met either of them before. The way marriages work in Kashmir in modern times is that the couple meet often through work, and then they ask their parents to arrange the marriage for them. Cell phones are very useful tools for staying in touch, because physical touch is absolutely forbidden. Boyfriends and girlfriends are not to exist at all. No premarital sex, no living together before marriage. And no inclusion in each other's family get togethers until after this ring ceremony. It is called a ring ceremony, but there is no exchange of rings at this time. If it was a Hindu marriage, there would be an exchange of rings. The term 'ring ceremony' has been borrowed from Hindu Indian culture, but only the name has been borrowed. This was a bit confusing for me, until I researched it online.